Will You MARRY Me?

Well, well, well. Isn’t the debate over Equal Marriage really heating up lately? The government have passed the bill through to the third stage and momentum is growing. Still, there is a long way to go…

After watching the parliament channel for a massive chunk of the broadcast during the second ‘reading’ it is clear that one the biggest opponents in this latest political hotbed are the church, or at least a large part of it. I will be quite frank and say I am totally at a loss as to why there is such an issue here. Sure, I have heard lots of their reasons for why the LGBT should not be given equal marriage rights but they are so ridiculously flawed. We have all seen the viral memes and Facebook images enough to educate us, even if we don’t truly understand religion. Of course, religion by its very nature can be read and skewed depending on what you want to believe so I recommend that people exercise caution when looking at the ‘facts’. The most common argument is the age-old “Its Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”, i.e. marriage is between one man and one woman. I should note, it was hilarious that the MP David Simpson managed to quote it incorrectly and said: “in the garden of Eden it was Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve”. Except that the bible also clearly shows many other examples of people not sticking to that ONE man and ONE woman rule and it is accepted. Jacob had two, Esau had three, Gideon had many and King Solomon had seven… HUNDRED!

There are countless examples out there and so I am massively confused as to why religious people insist on using the same flawed arguments against equal marriage. Granted, we are all entitled to an opinion but if you are having a debate with someone and your defences are flawed because they highlight a massive chunk of hypocrisy you would normally accept gracious defeat and perhaps go away and rethink your opinion. At least that is the way I have always done it. That is the whole point of debate. Sometimes you are right and sometimes you are wrong. The skill in a debate is to know when you should accept that you are wrong and take a step back before you continue to make yourself look like a single-minded fool.

As it stands, I don’t think that religion en masse is ready or even able to take that step yet which in itself screams of the double standard that religion hides behind. Religion frequently tells us to love one another, to be accepting and that ultimately, God forgives all. Yet they are, with vitriol so nasty it is the complete opposite of everything they teach… hate. They pretend that they are accepting and it’s just the marriage issue, but let’s face it, by declining equal marriage they are making the statement that we are different from them and that we are lesser human beings. That is how I perceive it.

I make no secret of the fact I don’t particularly like religion. Mainly because of its blatant hypocrisy, however, I would like to make it clear that I do not begrudge any person their faith. In some respects, I actually admire their devotion and their ability to believe in something without complete solid proof. Of course, they will argue that the proof in the world around us and the book that tells us all about it, but for me, that really isn’t enough. I have far too many questions that have been brushed off in the past. I once questioned something I didn’t understand about the bible and I was told, quite simply, that I shouldn’t question what the bible says! Really? Sorry, I am not wired that way. I need to be able to understand it; ever since I was a child I have questioned things. I don’t do blind faith, in fact, it is not that I don’t, it is that I can’t! My parents have said in the past that I was a nightmare because I always wanted to understand everything and everything had to have a reason. Yep, I was that precocious little kid who asked ‘why’ a lot.

Some would argue that clearly I just haven’t found the ‘right’ answers to understand religion and I agree. That is exactly why I am writing this blog. If I could at the very least understand the religious position on equal marriage perhaps I could respect it. Unfortunately, though, every argument that their leaders make against equal marriage is very easily and quickly refuted and their hypocrisy is highlighted. What really grates my cheese here is that they never make any attempt to explain or justify that hypocrisy, and in fact, they continue to use the same arguments. What makes it even more hilarious is how adamant they seem to cling to the notion that the bible forbids the act of gay marriage when they don’t follow the other rules in the bible. For instance, in the New Testament book of Mark, Jesus says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Would you care to explain divorce then? - At least the Catholics have managed to stick to that rule and still don’t accept divorce. Of course, for many years, divorce wasn’t allowed but eventually, the laws were changed (thanks to Henry VIII) and in our modern world, certainly in the UK, divorce is accepted. The bible also states that ‘Anyone who divorces and marries another commits adultery’. Again, this is a frequent occurrence in the modern world and one that is, for the vast majority accepted. Even royalty was allowed to do it! So we aren’t allowed to marry because apparently the bible says so but they can divorce even though the bible says not to. I could probably go on dissecting hundreds of similar examples of religious rules. The rules that are still in the bible yet are no longer adhered to, but that would take up far too many blogs (and hours of my day too).

The point here is that religion, over the years has adapted, it has evolved, and it has changed from what it was when that all precious book was written. All manner of life issues, not just marriage, flout what the bible actually says and do so amongst religious groups too! So why are they so determined to continue standing against equal marriage?

Many of the politicians that stood and spoke at the debate on 5th February 2013 spoke about how marriage is a religious institution that the government has no business getting involved in. I actually agree the government has no right getting involved in the institute of religious marriage. They have quite clearly laid out that no religious faith will be forced to perform a same-sex marriage and many of the religions that do wish to, will be given the opportunity to opt-in as it were. So it is very clear, the government is not looking at a change in religious marriage whatsoever. What they are looking at, is the other type of marriage which is called a ‘Civil Ceremony’ (or Civil Marriage as it is often referred) and I can guarantee that you know someone who has married in this way. In fact, I would wager that you know more people that have got married like this than those who got married in a church? By definition, a civil ceremony is a non-religious legal marriage ceremony performed by a government official or functionary. In the UK, this person is normally called a registrar. In the UK, a civil registrar ceremony cannot include hymns, religious readings or prayers, and the marriage must take place at a registered or licensed venue to be legally valid. The fact that all religious references are excluded from this type of ceremony shows that a religious wedding and a civil ceremony (or civil marriage) are two very different things.

This then begs the question. Why is religion even being brought into the discussion when civil ceremonies are by definition state ceremonies? why can’t the politicians alter the laws that govern that particular type of marriage? Religion actually has no place whatsoever in the discussion of whether to allow homosexual couples to marry, until the day that it involves the church also doing so. Since the current law actually excludes Christianity (and all other faiths for that matter) there is no justifiable reason for using it as an argument against the equal marriage bill.

Even still, I fail to see how a homosexual couple getting married actually changes anything or how it affects anyone else’s life? What, does a religious person die every time a gay couple marries and only the sound of a child clapping or laughter will bring them back? Oh no wait, that is fairies (yes I am being ironic). To quote a meme I saw the other day, “Claiming someone else’s marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a doughnut when you are on a diet!”

As a final thought, did you notice the constant use of the term ‘Equal Marriage’? You really should. Of course, I am guilty of calling it ‘Gay Marriage’ in the past too, but it is a habit we really need to get out of. It isn’t ‘GAY’ marriage at all and actually, it should just be Marriage. By calling it gay marriage we are just allowing ourselves to be, once again, separated from society. In the fight to get there, we need to be clear about what it is we want and that isn’t just gay marriage; it is equal marriage for all!

After all, to quote the American comedian and actress Liz Feldman;
“It’s very dear to me, the issue of gay marriage. Or, as I like to call it, ‘Marriage.’ You know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car; I didn’t gay park it.”

Thank you for reading x


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