I have been waiting for quite a long time to publish this article. Over the past few weeks, I have been returning to it and tweaking it, mainly because I want this one, above anything else I have ever written, to be just right.
Firstly, you should know that back in 2011 I wrote an article that was definitive in the sense it laid out my feelings on a subject matter in depth. Clearly, the Mark of 2011 was in a different place to which I now find myself. Obviously, feelings and opinions can change and over the course of the last six years, this one is pretty major. I’ll get into how those changes came about shortly, but for now, I have somewhat of an announcement. It isn’t really newsworthy per se, but it is a massive step for the husband and I. One that we agreed that I could share because I will probably want to continue writing about the journey, so here goes.
After a lot of discussions, the husband and I have decided that we are going to begin the process of becoming parents! Naturally, at this point, we are both soaking up a massive amount of research and information and we are still at the early stages but we are taking the steps to see this dream become a reality.
Those of you have been following this blog (and being really patient with the fact I don’t write anywhere close to as much as I should) may remember the article that I wrote back in 2011 called Dad & Dad? (It was then reissued in 2013 when I moved host providers). In it, I was very much in support of LGBT couples being parents but I was also very clear that at that point I was not at all considering becoming a parent myself.
Looking back on that article, a lot of the feelings that shaped my opinion about whether I wanted to be a parent stemmed from a place where I truly did not think I could be. As a gay man, I had resigned myself to the fact I was never going to be a Dad and I had formed a lot of my opinions around that. 27-year-old me was happy in my life and the freedoms I had. I was absolutely 100% convinced it would never happen. The Mark of 6 years ago was not ready or prepared to rise to the challenge of raising a child. I was scared of bringing a child into the world and them being bullied because of our sexuality. I was clearly in a very different place and I was underestimating how strong I can be when I need to be. Some of the events of the last 6 years have shown me that I am a lot stronger than I once believed. I am no longer scared. I am now quite the opposite and have total faith that between us, the hubby and I can be the parents that can arm their child to face the world out there, bullies and all. If we do our job as parents well, the little boy or girl will know just how loved they are. That is more important than anything a bully can say or do.
I was also worried that I couldn’t devote the time and dedication needed to raise a child. I felt that I was perhaps selfish but I accepted that flaw. Again, the changes in the years that have passed have shown me that I am not only capable, but I am willing. Part of that would have been a slight career shift 4 years ago. Since joining the company I now work for I have grown so much in strength, dedication, time management and confidence. My job is always throwing up new challenges and obstacles and I love taking them on. I’ve learnt to face each one head-on and really reach out for something I want and find solutions. Of course, when your work gives you so much happiness and confidence it is reflected in your home life. There have been a few speed bumps along the way but hey, I am still here and I am still doing well. Those speed bumps have given me strength! Together with the hubs, we can rule the world (Figure of speech relating to a song that was played on our wedding day).
Part of me actually wanted to remove my original article because some of it is so far removed from how I now feel but I think it is probably best left where it is; as a reminder of where I was and where I am now. I will never deny that was how I felt, so why should I delete it?
So a little bit more information about where we are now. As I mentioned, we are very much in the research stages but I can say that we are planning to take the surrogacy route to us becoming parents. In the coming months, I hope to be able to share our journey with you. We have become totally immersed in learning every last thing we can so that we are prepared. We are not quite at the point of having found a match for a surrogate but I am sure that will come in time. Our plan at the moment is to carry on learning and getting to know other Intended Parents, couples that have matched with a surrogate, and get to know more ladies who have been surrogates or continue to be surrogates. This will continue until at least July. We have a major holiday coming up in July so we don’t want to split focus too much. Once we get back from the holiday we will be able to focus all our attention towards taking the next steps. Needless to say, I am ridiculously excited and those that know me know I can get a bit impatient. I will be doing my best to remain patient and go forward methodically. There can be no cutting corners in this and everything has to be right. It is certainly going to be one heck of a journey! Like I say, I will do my best to share the journey with those of you who are interested.
At this point, I would like to make a shout out, firstly to all of our family and friends who have been so incredibly supportive and excited. We are so grateful for your love and support. I would also like to thank our very dear friend Laura, who we consider family. She helped us on a path by connecting us with a friend of hers who had previously been a surrogate. Thank you, Laura, I am not sure we would have known where to start without you.
I also want to say a massive thank you to Lisa (the friend of Laura) and all of the admins and group members over at UK Surrogacy – The Foyer. You have been an incredible resource, answered sooo many of our questions already (even my dumb ones) and given us even more confidence. Lisa has been my absolute go-to with every last question that I think of and she has always been able to provide information. She also runs a brilliant blog over on YouTube where she talks about all things surrogacy (amongst other things). The videos are very informative, honest and at times, hilariously funny. You will need to go check it out to see what I mean. No, I am not being paid by UK Surrogacy or Lisa to plug these links. They just deserve to be recognised because they are helping so many people on a daily basis. There are links below to the Facebook Group and also Lisa’s YouTube channel.
Back in 2011, I finished my article with a bit of humour and I quote, ‘Personally I will stick with having a cat; at least they never learnt to talk…’
I was also worried that I couldn’t devote the time and dedication needed to raise a child. I felt that I was perhaps selfish but I accepted that flaw. Again, the changes in the years that have passed have shown me that I am not only capable, but I am willing. Part of that would have been a slight career shift 4 years ago. Since joining the company I now work for I have grown so much in strength, dedication, time management and confidence. My job is always throwing up new challenges and obstacles and I love taking them on. I’ve learnt to face each one head-on and really reach out for something I want and find solutions. Of course, when your work gives you so much happiness and confidence it is reflected in your home life. There have been a few speed bumps along the way but hey, I am still here and I am still doing well. Those speed bumps have given me strength! Together with the hubs, we can rule the world (Figure of speech relating to a song that was played on our wedding day).
Part of me actually wanted to remove my original article because some of it is so far removed from how I now feel but I think it is probably best left where it is; as a reminder of where I was and where I am now. I will never deny that was how I felt, so why should I delete it?
So a little bit more information about where we are now. As I mentioned, we are very much in the research stages but I can say that we are planning to take the surrogacy route to us becoming parents. In the coming months, I hope to be able to share our journey with you. We have become totally immersed in learning every last thing we can so that we are prepared. We are not quite at the point of having found a match for a surrogate but I am sure that will come in time. Our plan at the moment is to carry on learning and getting to know other Intended Parents, couples that have matched with a surrogate, and get to know more ladies who have been surrogates or continue to be surrogates. This will continue until at least July. We have a major holiday coming up in July so we don’t want to split focus too much. Once we get back from the holiday we will be able to focus all our attention towards taking the next steps. Needless to say, I am ridiculously excited and those that know me know I can get a bit impatient. I will be doing my best to remain patient and go forward methodically. There can be no cutting corners in this and everything has to be right. It is certainly going to be one heck of a journey! Like I say, I will do my best to share the journey with those of you who are interested.
At this point, I would like to make a shout out, firstly to all of our family and friends who have been so incredibly supportive and excited. We are so grateful for your love and support. I would also like to thank our very dear friend Laura, who we consider family. She helped us on a path by connecting us with a friend of hers who had previously been a surrogate. Thank you, Laura, I am not sure we would have known where to start without you.
I also want to say a massive thank you to Lisa (the friend of Laura) and all of the admins and group members over at UK Surrogacy – The Foyer. You have been an incredible resource, answered sooo many of our questions already (even my dumb ones) and given us even more confidence. Lisa has been my absolute go-to with every last question that I think of and she has always been able to provide information. She also runs a brilliant blog over on YouTube where she talks about all things surrogacy (amongst other things). The videos are very informative, honest and at times, hilariously funny. You will need to go check it out to see what I mean. No, I am not being paid by UK Surrogacy or Lisa to plug these links. They just deserve to be recognised because they are helping so many people on a daily basis. There are links below to the Facebook Group and also Lisa’s YouTube channel.
Back in 2011, I finished my article with a bit of humour and I quote, ‘Personally I will stick with having a cat; at least they never learnt to talk…’
In 2017 I say, ‘Personally I cannot wait for our little boy or girl to start talking and to turn to me and say, I love you Dad’.
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ReplyDeleteIt's amazing to see surrogacy being accepted as a way to create a family for those of us that have so few choices. Educating others is the key! Great post. Thanks Coco. :D Intended Parent
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