I just wanted to share some thoughts and reflection on the get together I mentioned in the previous thought of the day.
We weren't particularly nervous about attending the event, to begin with, just very very excited. However, as we left home and the driving got underway I started to feel a rumble of nervous energy. I have a tendency to let (I say 'let' like I have a choice) my mind run wild sometimes, which in certain circumstances is perfectly good and beneficial but in this instance, I could have done without it. Countless what if and questioning scenarios started cropping up; what if nobody liked us? What if nobody wanted to talk to us? What if everyone thinks we aren't fit to be parents? Could we possibly be about to meet our future surrogate? What if, in this one meet-up, our dreams of being parents fall apart? My wonderful brain does love a bit of rational thought sometimes......
It was then that I was reminded of the reality and why we were doing this. Whatever the day brought was going to be child's play compared to the adventure that is parenting. I let my mind wander into the little details of what it will be like once we have a child. Bedroom decorating, days out, taking them to see Mickey Mouse - all the fun stuff! That was enough to keep the nerves at bay, at least for the time being.
The drive was pretty uneventful for the most part, we were actually making good time and not being hindered by any M1 traffic which was really unusual. It did get a bit more interesting when we stopped at the services to kill some of that good time we made. The last thing we wanted was to get there ridiculously early and be there before anyone else. There I was, sitting and enjoying my Caramel Latte when a face that was instantly recognisable to me walked in, followed by her husband and her three children. It was Lisa, with whom I had been chatting online. Our chats mainly revolved around surrogacy initially but lately, we've just generally been talking about anything and everything. At this point the nerves hit, I wasn't expecting to see anyone until the event and I really didn't want the first time I met someone to be whilst I was stuffing my face on a chicken and bacon toastie! It reminded me of the very first time I attended a Rollercoaster group meet-up so I knew the feeling well. We caught eye contact after she'd paid for some fruity looking concoction and we both smiled. They all came over and we all just started chatting. Nerves? Gone!
After the brief chat, it was back on the road for the last bit of driving. My mind was far more at ease now. We had both been excited to meet Lisa and her family so that chance meeting really helped, perhaps because it caught us off guard and before the nerves had the opportunity to get out of hand.
We arrived at the venue in Rugby pretty much on time and wasted no time in getting a drink at the bar. 2 o'clock or not, the drink would take the edge off. Almost as soon as I got out of the car I felt the crush of nerves and anxiety. I have got quite good at dealing with anxiety issues so that wasn't so bad but I never did master the combat with nerves. We got our drinks and followed the group towards where we had space for the afternoon. Very quickly we got chatting to another surrogate called Gina and her daughter so we grabbed a seat.
Before long there was red wine open and the conversations were flowing. People were table-hopping a bit and I don't remember everyone's names off the top of my head but there were some really good chats going on. There is little else you can do besides admire these ladies who are surrogates, helping bring other couples babies into the world and fulfilling all their dreams. The level of knowledge amongst them is incredible and I don't think there was a single question that went left unanswered.
At this point, we were totally relaxed and confident with the surroundings. There were children just about everywhere and that was lovely to see especially with the amount of laughter that was occurring. Everyone was just really happy. I'd wager that it was still a bit too soon for it to be alcohol-related in the adults' case.
Food was had and shortly after more people arrived including the couple that Lisa had previously been a surrogate for and one of her fellow surrogates. It was around then that the wine was taking effect and conversations became more general chit-chat rather than centred around surrogacy. It felt like a group of friends just getting together for drinks and Marc and I had been welcomed to join them.
It was both really interesting and inspiring to see another gay couple on the other side of their surrogacy journey with their little boy. It was abundantly clear just how much they both loved their little boy and they were quite happy to impart advice and encouragement to us. Before very long we had reached the late hours of the night and it was time for everyone to head home. Everyone was saying their goodbyes and I made a mental note of the fact I didn't feel like some gatecrashing stranger. Instead, I was leaving feeling I had begun the early stages of friendships. There were many that are part of the surrogacy groups I have been using and I already feel that I know them so much better. Online communities are fantastic for finding like-minded individuals but for me at least, it is when you start meeting people that true friendships are really forged.
It was then that I was reminded of the reality and why we were doing this. Whatever the day brought was going to be child's play compared to the adventure that is parenting. I let my mind wander into the little details of what it will be like once we have a child. Bedroom decorating, days out, taking them to see Mickey Mouse - all the fun stuff! That was enough to keep the nerves at bay, at least for the time being.
The drive was pretty uneventful for the most part, we were actually making good time and not being hindered by any M1 traffic which was really unusual. It did get a bit more interesting when we stopped at the services to kill some of that good time we made. The last thing we wanted was to get there ridiculously early and be there before anyone else. There I was, sitting and enjoying my Caramel Latte when a face that was instantly recognisable to me walked in, followed by her husband and her three children. It was Lisa, with whom I had been chatting online. Our chats mainly revolved around surrogacy initially but lately, we've just generally been talking about anything and everything. At this point the nerves hit, I wasn't expecting to see anyone until the event and I really didn't want the first time I met someone to be whilst I was stuffing my face on a chicken and bacon toastie! It reminded me of the very first time I attended a Rollercoaster group meet-up so I knew the feeling well. We caught eye contact after she'd paid for some fruity looking concoction and we both smiled. They all came over and we all just started chatting. Nerves? Gone!
After the brief chat, it was back on the road for the last bit of driving. My mind was far more at ease now. We had both been excited to meet Lisa and her family so that chance meeting really helped, perhaps because it caught us off guard and before the nerves had the opportunity to get out of hand.
We arrived at the venue in Rugby pretty much on time and wasted no time in getting a drink at the bar. 2 o'clock or not, the drink would take the edge off. Almost as soon as I got out of the car I felt the crush of nerves and anxiety. I have got quite good at dealing with anxiety issues so that wasn't so bad but I never did master the combat with nerves. We got our drinks and followed the group towards where we had space for the afternoon. Very quickly we got chatting to another surrogate called Gina and her daughter so we grabbed a seat.
Before long there was red wine open and the conversations were flowing. People were table-hopping a bit and I don't remember everyone's names off the top of my head but there were some really good chats going on. There is little else you can do besides admire these ladies who are surrogates, helping bring other couples babies into the world and fulfilling all their dreams. The level of knowledge amongst them is incredible and I don't think there was a single question that went left unanswered.
At this point, we were totally relaxed and confident with the surroundings. There were children just about everywhere and that was lovely to see especially with the amount of laughter that was occurring. Everyone was just really happy. I'd wager that it was still a bit too soon for it to be alcohol-related in the adults' case.
Food was had and shortly after more people arrived including the couple that Lisa had previously been a surrogate for and one of her fellow surrogates. It was around then that the wine was taking effect and conversations became more general chit-chat rather than centred around surrogacy. It felt like a group of friends just getting together for drinks and Marc and I had been welcomed to join them.
It was both really interesting and inspiring to see another gay couple on the other side of their surrogacy journey with their little boy. It was abundantly clear just how much they both loved their little boy and they were quite happy to impart advice and encouragement to us. Before very long we had reached the late hours of the night and it was time for everyone to head home. Everyone was saying their goodbyes and I made a mental note of the fact I didn't feel like some gatecrashing stranger. Instead, I was leaving feeling I had begun the early stages of friendships. There were many that are part of the surrogacy groups I have been using and I already feel that I know them so much better. Online communities are fantastic for finding like-minded individuals but for me at least, it is when you start meeting people that true friendships are really forged.
The drive home was a mixture of processing everything we had learned, everything we chatted about and feeling ever more excited and confident ready for our own journey. For anyone out there (that somehow managed to stumble upon this blog) who is an Intended Parent or even a Surrogate, I can not recommend one of these meet-up events enough. They are such a fantastic opportunity to really start getting to know the wider community and form friendships, ask questions, learn, teach and generally have a welcoming social experience. It goes without saying that the surrogates and their families are amazingly lovely, friendly and generous people and the fellow intended parents know exactly what you are feeling and what you are going through without saying a word.
I have every intention of keeping in touch with this community of wonderful people and attending events so that one day in the not too distant future, we will be able to attend one of these events again. I hope that soon enough, it will be from the other side of our surrogacy journey so that we can share our experiences and knowledge to another couple just starting their own.
PS. I just wanted to add a quick shout out and thank you for being lovely to Lisa, Darren, Lyndsay, James, David, Marius, Gina, Karen and anyone else we spoke to who I may have unintentionally forgotten!
I have every intention of keeping in touch with this community of wonderful people and attending events so that one day in the not too distant future, we will be able to attend one of these events again. I hope that soon enough, it will be from the other side of our surrogacy journey so that we can share our experiences and knowledge to another couple just starting their own.
PS. I just wanted to add a quick shout out and thank you for being lovely to Lisa, Darren, Lyndsay, James, David, Marius, Gina, Karen and anyone else we spoke to who I may have unintentionally forgotten!
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