Weird Things - A Commentary

A few days ago, a BuzzFeed video that was shared by Queerty entitled Weird Things Gay Couples Do: Public Vs. Private grabbed my attention. It’s a fun video meant to be gently poking fun at the way gay couples behave when in public versus the similar events but in private. The couple in the video are Gregory and Ryan and they really are a couple, an adorable and very good looking couple. The content itself both genuinely amused me and it got me thinking about my own relationship.

For a bit of fun, I thought I would compare what the video shows about the gay couple with that of my own relationship. I’ll write down the time stamps for each ‘section’ so you know which bit I am referring to, but here is the video…
[0.00] Ah, the straight guy using the term ‘gay’ as playful banter and the gay couple calling him out on it. To be honest, I don’t think I would necessarily be offended by that so much, mainly because for me it is all about context but I appreciate some do not agree. I feel like getting offended by the use of the word only strengthens its power when it is used in a nasty way. But let’s not be gay about it.

[0.12] Using the term ‘gay’ as a negative towards your partner. I can’t say I have ever done this with my husband. It just doesn’t happen with us. I think I may have quoted the movie Shaun Of The Dead one time with “alright, gay”, but that was more in the context of watching the movie, honestly! I have spoken before about the notion of reclaiming the use of language in a previous article which you can read HERE. However, in the video, does he have to call his partner “Gay” as if it’s a prolonged belch? In our relationship, we are happy with just the belch. (I'm just kidding guys! I absolutely get what you were going for here)

[0.24] Yeah, I guess we do open doors for one another sometimes. I wouldn’t say it was in a super cute relationship way, but it does happen from time to time. I don’t think that it is something that only ever happens in public either but I don’t think I would let the door shut in my partner’s face unless of course the little boy’s room beckoned... well... erm...

[0.30] Just busting into the house and leaving the other on the doorstep and playfully closing the door. Actually, I can’t lie, I have done this to Marc a few times. Normally on our way out though. In our flats, there is a locked door downstairs. I have been known to run off ahead and pull the door shut behind me for no real reason other than my own amusement and it really isn’t that amusing… oh ok, it is a bit.

[0.35] I have noticed this trend for trying to eat well when in the company of others. Almost like some strange status symbol, ‘Oooooh, look at me, I am body conscious and healthy’. Me? NOPE! I am not really a massive healthy eater or particularly health-conscious full stop so ordering what would be considered an unhealthy meal is not a problem, ask anyone.

[0.41] I am happy to stuff myself with pizza whatever the social environment and I am sure I can speak for my partner in the same way … believe me! So, elegantly ramming in dripping slices of pizza - into our mouths that is! is a fact of how comfortable we are about crappy eating be it at a restaurant or slumped in my joggers watching X-Factor. It’s good to have common views on things.

[0.47] I guess this one depends on what you consider a fancy drink really. Isn’t beer a fancy drink? I tend to go for a real ale or craft beer wherever possible but that’s only because I like beer – as I'm endlessly talking about it on twitter. Much like with food, I like to try something new that I haven’t had before, then knocking it back. In the husbands’ case, he doesn’t drink so the options are always Coca-Cola or maybe he might go really out there with an orange juice, I respect this and make up for his lack of alcohol consumption of course.

[0.57] It is true that choosing between beer in a can of beer in a bottle is pretty much the same at home. Depends if I can be bothered to find the bottle opener. Whenever we have company I tend to get a little fancier and use a specific glass or something or even the toothbrush beaker. I think we all have the fancy dinnerware and drinkware that only ever gets used when we have company, don’t we? And like all good fancy-ware, it does look good in the display case collecting dust.

[1.04] Aww, now this is just very sweet. Sharing a romantic moment together. I feel like perhaps I am missing something here because we never really do this, I guess it just isn’t us. I feel like maybe we should be more Lady and the Tramp? Not sure which one I’d be.

[1.10] Again, we don’t really do the whole romantic thing at home so we most definitely do not do it in public in the UK. That said, we have shared some public kisses at the Disney resorts which is definitely in public though maybe not exactly while waiting for the number 17 bus outside the chippie. One of my most favourite pictures of the two of us ever was in front of Sleeping Beauty’s Castle in Disneyland, California. It is a bit of a strange one really as we are not normally ones for public displays of affection but in the Disney parks, we feel safer perhaps or are we caught up in the fantasy? I actually don’t mind that if we are ever likely to share a really touching romantic moment, it is in our happiest place and I haven’t seen Mickey frown at us so far!

Adding this picture in here because I can and because it is one of the all-time favourites of the two of us!

[1.17] I don’t think the husband has ever offered me his coat, to be honest, but then he has never needed to. I absolutely detest being cold so I am the first to wrap up warm so I think this might just be a climate thing. I will admit, that if I was living in Los Angeles, the chances are I would be in shorts and a nice top almost permanently. So yeah, I would probably forgo a jacket so that I looked good, my clothes look better than my husband’s anyway. Standards are so important and come first, shivering second. Essentially, this sums up the apparent need to always look on point. I do have a little bit of that going on when we are out in public, ok, more than a little bit.

[1.24] On the other hand, if we are staying in then yes, I am absolutely going to crack out some joggers or sweatpants, possibly even a onesie for God’s-sake! The point is, slumming around at home and enjoying some downtime doesn’t have to look cute, or good especially when it is only the husband there.

[1.28] Our pets are an interesting one. You can’t really show off cat tricks so much. Having said that, our previous little fur-baby cat Odie was a great fetch player which was always a fun party trick. Our current two are incredibly adorable and we often share pictures of them being cute and the like whether people like it or not.

[1.38] That said, our youngest, Oscar, is most definitely a cheeky little cat who likes to leave a path of destruction in his wake. He doesn’t get that from me! That side of his personality doesn’t tend to get seen very often. If we have company he heads out of the room or under the sofa and plots.

[1.44] Referring back to what I said about the whole coat thing, it is highly unlikely that Marc would ever have to wrap his coat around me, I would have to tear it off him, romantically of course!

[1.51] On the flip side, in private, yes this definitely happens! I think we have both been party to stealing all the covers although Marc once went one better when he quite literally kicked me out of bed in his sleep, I can only imagine what he was dreaming. He claims I threw myself out of bed but seriously, why would I do that? In reverse, we have also given the other the entire duvet before too, especially if I’m hot.

[1.56] The super adorable goodbyes. Obviously, I imagine they have hammed this one up a little bit for the purposes of the video and to highlight the point. One that is very valid. There is always a lot of ‘I love you’ and kisses when one of us heads off to work. I guess this is the one moment when we are slightly more romantic perhaps? We never leave each other without telling each other that we love one another. Not ever. Put that bucket down!

[2.04] However, in public it is a little more difficult. That cursory scanning of the surroundings and the sheepish shyness that I spotted in the video is most definitely a reality for us. If we are out in public and we are splitting off to do separate things we still always say I love you but it is always more of a stage whisper with the look around to make sure no one else has heard. I am absolutely aware that it shouldn’t be this way, but it really is a case of being aware of the surroundings because the last thing either of us wants is to get verbal abuse or worse, well, from strangers anyway.

I think this last section really can reflect the public and private life of a gay couple, certainly from our perspective. As I said, we are not really ones for public displays of affection and that is partially born out of the fear of recriminations for it. We shouldn’t feel nervous or afraid to be affectionate towards one another. I am not suggesting that we want to be able to go full-on with the lip-locking in public, let’s face it, it’s kind of gross whoever does it – outside of an adult video of course, but to be able to hold hands or say I love you out loud without worrying about who is nearby can be a dampener. It always makes me think of when I hear people say things like ‘oh I don’t mind gay people but I wish they wouldn’t shove their sexuality in my face’. Hmmm, there’s a thought. But seriously, I have to wonder, is that the same as when we see heterosexual couples holding hands, kissing or even more in public? Are they shoving their straightness in our faces?

I have said it in previous articles and I still feel it now. I would love to be able to walk down the street holding hands with my husband and not be in Sitges. Unfortunately, homophobia does still exist and there seems to have been an increase in the media attention when attacks occur. Part of me feels like we should just hold hands, ignoring any possibility of risk and be determined to live our lives how we want to. If something bad were to happen, would it break our love or turn us straight? Not even remotely.