Surrogacy Journey Update: Testing Testing 1,2,3

It has been just over two months since I posted an update about our Surrogacy Journey, announcing that we had matched with a surrogate. From that, I have made the decision to try and provide some form of update at least once a month from here on in. Some months may be a little sparse on details while others may be very eventful as I'm sure you can imagine. I am just very keen to make sure I am documenting all of this because who knows, it might prove useful for someone else one day.

• Semen Analysis
• Blood Test
• General Health Check
• STD Test
• CRB check - Basic Disclosure
• Psychological/Counselling Assessment

When I was initially given the breakdown of all the various tests that would be required I wasn't entirely surprised but I will admit there was a swell in anxiety. After talking to Lisa and others in the surrogacy community it was clear that this anxiety was absolutely natural. After all, this is your future child you are working towards. My nervousness is born from the notion that both me and Marc may have dud sperm. We have no scientific reason to believe it but it is a fear nonetheless. Technically speaking, it would be pretty unlucky and unlikely for us to both have inadequate swimmers so in reality, you could say this is worrying over nothing. I am sure that the same fear bubbles below the surface for any guy hoping to be a father. It seems a very common fear so if you are worried about it, you are not alone!

I should point out that, as a gay couple, only one of us will be transferring sperm to the surrogate. I have heard of people mixing the sperm before insemination and so on and then opting not to find out who the biological father is but I'll explain why we chose not to do this. I know this can be a challenging prospect for a couple and it could be very easy to fall into the trap of feeling that you are not really the father because it wasn't your sperm used. I try to keep it in my mind that biology does not make you a father. The way you raise the child does. The reason that only one of us will be transferring is purely scientific. If, later in your child's life there were any health complications doctors may want family medical history relating to DNA and so on. With that in mind, for us, it is ideal to know where the biology has come from without having to take further tests, especially if time is of the essence. Not all of you will agree of course and that is fine. This was just how we came to the decision. You too will have to come to a decision that works for both of you.

You may ask why are both of us are having all of the tests if only one of us is going to be providing the samples for inseminations. For us, it was a simple and easy decision to make; Contingency. If for whatever reason, one of us is unable to father a child, the other is able to continue without having to start the testing all over again. Equally, some of the tests will rely on you both being tested anyway. For instance, the STD check will be taken by both of the Intended Parents, the Surrogate and her partner. I am pretty sure it is obvious why all of the above parties should be STD tested before any inseminations take place!

Equally, the Counselling Evaluation will be for both of the Intended Parents together with the Surrogate also having her own evaluation. This is to ensure that each party is mentally capable of coping with the concepts and realities of surrogacy. Initially, I was terrified at the prospect of this bit. What if they said I would be a terrible father or that I can't cope? Again, I am sure all intended parents worry about this at one time or another. I have resolved to remind myself that I can and will do this. Ultimately, with there being a couple of joint test situations, it makes sense for the intended parents to do all of them together. As I mentioned, many agencies will require this anyway.

As part of an independent match, we are lucky in the sense that we get to decide the order of the testing. This may seem an unusual statement but again, we felt that testing should be done in a certain order or at the very least from a particular starting point. I am unaware if agencies have a set order or timetable of tests but I would imagine they do.

Together, we decided that it was most important to have our fertility checked before anything else. I don't want to sound like a cheapskate, some of the tests can have a cost implication but I consider it sensible. You can have your fertility checked through your General Practitioner and it is a rather important part of getting pregnant! We felt it was best to make sure that everything is working as it should be before we proceed to some of the other tests, particularly those that will cost money. There is no point getting really deep into the testing and your match if unfortunately, neither of you can produce the goods. Again, I don't write that to panic you. It really is an absolute worst-case scenario and pretty unlikely but it would save you time and heartache further down the line to be sure beforehand. Just a quick note on this too, initially when I contacted our GPs Clinic, the receptionist tried to deter me from booking an appointment and said that we would need to go private for our fertility checks. This is not the case! Once I actually got an appointment and explained the situation to the GP they proceed to give me the relevant paperwork I would need to actually book an appointment with the hospital. For our hospital, it works in a similar way as a blood test. You can't just rock up and have the test. Your GP has to request the test and will give you paperwork which will then enable you to book an appointment. I imagine most hospitals work in a similar way perhaps?

So that is where we are at. Both of us are currently booked in for our male fertility testing. Once we have the results we can start getting all the other tests scheduled. For our hospital, there is a 10 day wait for the result to arrive with our doctor so we are hoping that by mid-September we will have some more appointments booked.

I hope to have another update to share with you towards the end of September.

Thank you for following and if you had any questions or wanted to talk surrogacy journeys, feel free to drop me a comment in the box below or you can contact me through a message on my Facebook page HERE