Weird Questions - A Commentary

You may remember my recent article where I offered a commentary on a BuzzFeed video that I came across. You can find it HERE. Well after that I subscribed to the channel and then I got a little bit obsessed… I came across another video which centres around ‘Weird Questions Gay Couples Get’ featuring the same couple. Again, it was a very amusing video featuring many of the questions that people seem to think are ok to ask gay people. Like the previous article, I thought I would offer my own insights and experiences of what the video talks about and most importantly, my responses to the questions. Like before, I have included the timestamps so you can follow what I am referring to. Here is the video:


[0.00] I can’t say I have ever actually encountered this one. Why would anyone think that a gay couple are brothers? Public Displays of Affection aside, even the body language alone should suggest that this is no sibling relationship. When you think about it like that, it’s actually a little insulting perhaps? Or is it just a way of saying you two are more than just a couple of friends and people don’t want to risk jumping to the conclusion that guys are a couple in case they’re not. Mind you it depends how close you are with your brother. Sounds a bit dodgy if you ask me. You could always confuse them of course by saying “...actually, we’re twins”.

[0.20] That old chestnut. I get it, people tend to apply their heteronormative social construct (reach for that dictionary!) to all relationships because that is what they know and what they are familiar with. Now I will point out here, I do not think of this as homophobia. I want to be really clear about that. All too often people roll out the homophobia card when someone applies a heterosexual behaviour to that of a homosexual person. For me, this is not homophobia, it is just a sign that they do not really understand that dynamic of the gay person and most likely of any person. More often than not, it is not an intentionally nasty slight against anyone. In a way, it’s a form of shorthand or dare I say a stereotype, but then again, like all stereotypes, sometimes it’s true!

Actually, thinking about it, if it is a slight on anyone, it is to straight couples… just follow me here ok! Implying that a gay couple has a guy and girl role also suggests that the person saying it thinks that within a straight relationship both the guy and the girl have specifically defined roles. The person may as well come out and ask who does the cooking & cleaning and who does the DIY… Next time you discover the guy in a straight relationship is a house husband or does all the cooking perhaps we should raise an eyebrow and smile, see how they like it.

In our relationship, it is often assumed and said by others that I am the ‘girl’. First off, I want to say that I am not offended at being likened to a girl because girls are awesome. It is a simple biological fact that I am not a girl. I am a boy. I will happily say that yes, I occasionally do drag and yes, my mannerisms could be considered feminine but that doesn’t change the fact that I identify my gender as male. I should point out that I actually I do the DIY and some of what the 'straights' would consider to be the ‘male’ role too – I built a kitchen goddammit! Sorry to burst your bubble but I didn’t actually do it in high heels with a glass of prosecco… I feel like I could go off on a tangent about gender stereotyping here but I will save that for another more serious article!

And finally, just as an FYI, no, the fact that one guy may top and one guy may bottom is not an indication that one is the guy and one is the girl, ever heard of ‘power bottoms’? Mmmm?

[0.28] Sure, why not? What sort of dumbass question is that? What, so you straight folk don’t check people out and discuss it with your partners? Just don’t salivate and exchange numbers!

[0.33] No, you cannot come to my gay wedding, where I will be wearing a gay suit, walking down the gay aisle with gay music playing, before having gay dinner and a big gay party in a gay hall where my gay car is in the gay car park. This is not a piece of performance art my dear, it is not an exhibition for you to come and marvel at. It is not a novelty for you to tick off on your (apparently really depressingly dull) bucket list. Now go about your business and don’t be so gay!

[0.43] Yes, the gays have an unusual stereotype in that we are all good with colour. I have absolutely no clue where this comes from to be honest. I pride myself on being able to match the right colours together to make a fairly average ensemble or room design. Believe me when I say it has nothing to do with my being gay. I’m just a very creative arty type and not all gay guys are! My husband is the polar opposite for example. At least I’m pretty sure I’m good with colour and design, I’ll have to listen out for tuts, smiles and the shaking of heads!

[1.01] Well do you know straight Tom? How about straight Jenny? What makes you think that every gay person knows every gay person? I mean, I know the gays have a reputation for being promiscuous but even then, there is no way that every gay guy knows every gay guy. Narrow it down a little first, perhaps you know they drink in a certain bar and ask if I go there or something. Ok, yeah, I might know Gay Terry, I just never stopped (CENSORED) him long enough to actually ask his name…

[1.11] Just like the 'all gays know colour’ stereotype there is the one that plays out that all gays have great fashion sense and can dress women. Take a trip through any ‘gay village’ and tell me that all gay guys have incredible fashion sense and I will call you a liar! Seriously, have you seen the way I dress sometimes?

[1.19] I feel there is a little subtext on this one. At the mere use of the word ‘queen’, one of the guys is straight on the defensive because he feels it was an insult. So, is the point here that homosexuals are always sensitive about certain words being used as we automatically assume that there was a derogatory connotation? That is an intriguing thought but I’ll tell you what does irritate me in a hotel. “Oh sir, would you gentlemen prefer a room with two separate beds?”. There is an assumption that we are just two guys staying in the same room. My point being, would they ask the same question of a male and female couple? No, they wouldn’t. They would expect that if the man and woman wanted separate beds, they would have asked for it. Whatever, I don’t care, we are only going to be making a mess of one of them! – after sleeping in it, you lot have filthy minds! Anyway, sometimes people want separate beds, gay or otherwise.

[1.28] What is this ‘date’ to which you are referring? If we go for dinner it can be as simple as who got paid most recently. I’m not gonna lie here, it is quite often my husband who pays. He earns more than I do. Anyway, that frees up my funds to buy gay clothes!

[1.30] And what is this slow dance to which you are referring? I think the only slow dance we have ever had was on our wedding night. Marc doesn’t dance, he props up walls.

[1.34] How do you decide who plans it? With discussion by any chance? Yes, guess what, we do the same. Even for dumb questions, this is dumb!

[1.41] We could try, but I’m not sure they would fit very well. We also have different tastes and preferences when it comes to clothes, you know, like every other person around the world. That said, I have worn a couple of the husbands’ shirts when I’m being lazy around the house, otherwise, mine would get dirty!

[1.48] What is this thing that some women feel they should have a GBF? I have read articles about how gay people offer a different insight or honesty that they wouldn’t get from their straight guy friends or their girl mates. I totally understand why someone would want that different perspective I really do. In fact, I am more than happy to be that confidante and friend, I will even let you refer to me as your gay best friend I suppose – although I would prefer a best friend who just happens to be gay, on the other hand maybe I should refer to myself as “… your gay carer”, doesn’t sound so designer now does it?. As human beings, we don’t tend to enjoy being objectified as a token trophy on your arm. What I want you to remember is that friendship doesn’t just happen because you have decided you need a gay guy to fulfil a quota. It doesn’t just happen overnight. How about you be a friend to me and I’ll be a friend to you and we will see where this crazy friendship thing ends up yeah? I could do with a straight best friend though, someone who knows the off-side rule would be a start.

[1.54] Yes, because all gay guys fit so neatly into the stereotypes that we all watch the same TV shows and all of those TV shows are camp personified. The fact that Real Housewives is indeed my guilty pleasure when I am sick is beside the point!

[2.00] The guys' reaction in the video, in response to that question is spot on. Excuse me what? Gaybies is not a thing. Gay babies are not a thing. If you refer to our future child as a ‘gayby’ I will end you. Simple as that.

[2.05] As if a random stranger would offer to be a surrogate, implying that being a surrogate is something so pedestrian and something everyone is doing. If you have read any of my surrogacy articles you will know why I would take particular umbrage to this question. We are talking about a future child, a precious contribution to this world, a little miracle and you are suggesting that we entrust that to a complete stranger. Get real! Besides, we already have a surrogate who is an incredible human being so the vacancy has been filled.

[2.11] LET them play sports, heck no. We have decided that we would make them conform to a stereotype that you have in mind of what gay people enjoy and of how gay people raise their children… [/sarcasm]

It goes without saying that we are going to LET them play sports if they want to! We will also welcome their laughter as we attempt to join in. The reaction in this video is spot on. Why wouldn’t we? Sport is important as a form of exercise, building their social relationships and their ability to work in a team, as indeed is amateur theatre! If our child wants to learn to fence, then we will do our best to help them. If our child wants to have dance lessons, we will do our best to help them. If our child wants to learn how to box so that he or she can knock a sensible question into your head, we will do our best to help them, hell we’ll supply the gloves and the targets! Ok, I am not condoning violence of course but I am awfully good at it.

[2.28] Wow indeed! Oh look, isn’t she clever, she knows a little bit about gay subcultures and automatically applies that to us. She even looks smug about it - I’ll give a nod to the good acting here. Do either of us look like a ‘leather daddy’? (Whatever one of those is). I am glad she didn’t mention drag though.

[2.35] Oh the classic phallic reference joke. A ‘joke’ as tired as it is predictable. Yes, I like sausage. Yes, I eat sausage. The best you are going to get from your attempt at humour is an eye roll. Sorry. Oh wait, you were actually offering me your wiener… oh well now this is a little awkward… Does it come with tweezers? Now a decent bratwurst would be another story!

[2.40] I think the couple is way too kind here saying yes. Again, we are not a token trophy for you to drape on your arm so it can get you into all the coolest places. How dare you think you can use me like that? Don’t you know I charge for my escort services? Actually, as your escort that means you pay for all my drinks and food, right? Sure, what time shall we meet?

What about you? Are there any weird, absurd or downright rude questions you have been asked that are not in the list? Let me know in the comments below!




CONVERSATION

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