The Movember Foundation began in 2003 and is a charity which is tackling men’s health on a global level. Each November, men are encouraged to grow a moustache, effectively ‘changing’ their face. This is to raise awareness of the campaign and to is the foundations' goal, ‘to change the face of men’s health’.

The reason for the campaign is to raise awareness of the issues around men’s health and tackling some of the biggest health issues faced by men such as prostate cancer and testicular cancer as well as mental health and suicide prevention. Since 2003 they have helped fund over 1,200 projects to save lives. In the UK and in 2016 alone, the campaign and all of the Mo Bros and Mo Sistas (all the people that take part) raised £6.9 Million for the Movember Foundation. Over the last 14 years, they have raised £490 Million for men’s health.

If you want to find out more about the foundation, you can visit their website HERE.

So now you know what it is, you might have an idea why I am taking part, being a guy and all that. The biggest killer of men in the UK under the age of 45 is suicide. Despite all of the different diseases, accidents or violence that could kill men, suicide is far more frequent! This a horrifying fact and more needs to be done to help young men that feel that is their only option. We’ve all had dark times and some of us are lucky enough to have the support we need. Not everyone is that lucky and so anything to help more guys get help is a great cause in my book.

What is going to be quite amusing is that I have never attempted to properly grow facial hair before. Sure, I have days where I don’t bother shaving and to be honest, the results are not great! I have no idea what I am going to look like by the time November comes to an end. I may end up looking like an even crazier loon but it really doesn’t matter. This is about raising that money. I have pledged to raise £250 this year for the foundation. That may seem a little small but everyone has to start somewhere right?

Of course, I will also be sharing updates throughout November too.

If you can spare anything at all, please stop by and make a donation to my Movember Page HERE or you can donate through my Facebook fundraiser page HERE

Thanks for stopping by and reading (and thanks for donating if you do) x

Pardon my pathetically loose link to Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers in the title, I couldn’t think of anything amusing…

In my recent Surrogacy update I spoke about my poor fertility results in terms of sperm morphology and how it drove me into a fit of self-pity and research. I definitely recommend that, if you haven't already, you go and read that article HERE to understand a bit more of how I came to do all this research. Of course, I am in no way a doctor and I can only simplify or paraphrase what I have learned so please, if you have any concerns about your own reproductive goods, go and see your GP!

Before I get into what I have learned, I should also note something I didn’t actually know before. Men generate millions of sperm every single day but what I didn’t know was that they actually take around 74 days to reach full maturity and become ready to fertilise an egg. Effectively that means that anything which happens within a 74-day window could have an impact on that ‘batch’ of sperm that arrives when the big moment is supposed to occur (that is probably the nicest way I can put it)

Heat was definitely one of the things I saw repeatedly. The reason the testicles hang from the body the way they do is to keep that area cooler. In order to perform correctly, semen needs to be cooler than our core body temperature. The ideal temperature for sperm production is actually around one or two degrees cooler than the body temperature. When the temperature rises, the sperm production declines. Even a slight temperature increase could have an effect. I even found one study in America where the results indicated that sperm production actually declines by around 30% in the summer months and therefore concludes that men would be more fertile in the winter months. Naturally, there is no absolute conclusive and concrete evidence of this but from that, it is clear there are a lot of situations that could therefore potentially cause an issue. Having very hot baths or going into hot tubs and steam rooms and doing so on a frequent basis could have an impact. I tend to alternate daily between a steaming hot bath and a shower, so straight away, there is a possibility those hot baths were overheating things downstairs.

There has also been a lot of discussion about the effect of tight underwear and tight-fitting trousers on sperm production. Again, these studies do not appear to be wholly conclusive, but that doesn’t mean they should be totally disregarded. I feel like in this situation it is just one of those things to bear in mind. I detest wearing loose fitting underwear, especially because they are downright uncomfortable as they don’t fit very well into slim or skinny fit jeans or trousers. Again, I tend to wear a snugger fit of trousers and always wear a brief or a boxer-brief for my underwear. The issue here is believed to be that in essence, wearing those tighter fits, you are forcing your testicles closer or even right up against your body and therefore, increasing the temperature for prolonged periods of time. When considering that 74-day window of sperm production I can certainly see some sense in the theory. Additionally, and in theory, even a holiday to a very hot country could have some form of impact, especially in a combination with other factors, such as if you have then been wearing tight fitting underwear and shorts… Whoops!

As with the human body in general, what we put into it can have massive implications and health impacts. Naturally, there have been studies into the foods and drinks that can cause issues and also the same for those that can promote good health throughout your body. I researched a lot into the foods and drinks that had been linked with sperm production and again, many of the studies I looked at were not necessarily conclusive but it is safe to say, that having a healthy diet does not have a negative impact.

Firstly, it is a known fact that alcohol has an effect on our bodies, especially when consumed in significant quantity. Anyone that knows me, knows I also love a good drink. I do love a good party and I had certainly been what a doctor would consider excessive with my alcohol consumption within the previous 74 days. While there have been no direct links between alcohol and sperm production, it goeswithout saying, in general, light alcohol consumption is fine but anything excessive can certainly have health impacts and therefore could impact sperm production. A few parties, the bottles of wine at a weekend and the drinking on holiday all add up… Whoops!

Caffeine is another of those substances that can have an effect on general health and therefore your sperm health, especially if it is in excessive amounts. I am not entirely sure what is deemed as excessive but I was probably drinking 4 or 5 cups of coffee or tea per day, so in theory, it could have an effect… Whoops!

Processed meats and a lack of fruit and vegetables has been the subject of numerous studies into our body health. It goes without saying that if you don’t eat reasonably, it will have an effect on your health. I wouldn’t say that I have a particular lack of fruit and veg in my diet but I probably do eat a lot in the way of processed meats… Whoops!

Some studies have been done which draw a link between particular food groups and healthy sperm production and furthermore, sperm morphology. Lycopene is a red carotene and carotenoid which we have in our bodies and can be found in many fruits and vegetables. A small study in India of 30 men with unexplained or idiopathic infertility was conducted in 2000. These men were given 2000 micrograms of lycopene twice a day for three months. After a three-month period (and therefore beyond that 74-day window) 66% showed an improvement in sperm concentration, 53% had improved motility and 46% showed an improvement in sperm morphology. Again, this is just one small study, but I did find other numerous sources that drew the same conclusions. Conversely, I didn’t find anything to suggest large amounts of lycopene would have a negative effect on general health – not that I’m going to start digesting only lycopene rich foods or anything, but it is worth bearing in mind. I think the general take away from this for me was to be more mindful of what I am eating and make sure I am getting more of the things that are good for me. There are also numerous lists online which list out the foods highest in lycopene concentration such as tomatoes (cooked), guava, watermelon, papaya, grapefruit, sweet red peppers (cooked), asparagus (cooked), red cabbage, mango and carrots. All of which I actually really like so I have no problem adding a bit more of them to my diet! The important thing I remind myself is that even if it doesn’t improve my own situation it certainly isn’t going to do my body any harm either!

Another of the potential impacts is exercise, both in a lack of AND an excessive amount of it. It’s pretty obvious that a lack of exercise has numerous health implications so I don’t really need to go into that but I was intrigued by the excessive exercise. If you are a gym goer and love your weights that is incredible, but if you overdo it, it can have an impact on the muscles in your body causing strain and the like. Obviously, no single study suggests that you write off weightlifting, but it does advise to be mindful of excess strain on the body.

It was suggested to me that even the amount of walking I was doing on holiday could have had an impact. On numerous days, we were walking in excess of 20km a day around California and while walking is not going to have a negative impact on health, combined with the very hot temperatures, wearing the snug clothes, a lack of fruit and vegetables, eating a lot of processed foods and drinking a fair amount of alcohol all in tandem could be why my results were so poor… Big Whoops!!!

Similarly, along the lines of exercise (of a sort) even sexual activity can have an impact. I am sure I can leave it to your imagination, but if you are particularly, shall we say, vigorous or rough with your jewels, it can have an impact (no pun intended!). Putting it simply, if a kick to the nuts can do damage, it goes without saying that there are other factors, in a more sexual sense, that can have an effect.

Whilst mentioning sexual activity, sexually transmitted diseases and the like are know to damage fertility, along with any other blood infections. Even gum disease could potentially have a affect on the sperm count and morphology!

Again (and moving swiftly on), I must stress I am not a doctor and I have only learned all of this from the internet but if I take away anything from it, making these small changes is not going to be bad for me, even if it doesn’t improve my sperm morphology, so it is definitely worth a shot. For my own peace of mind (and potentially restore a little faith in what masculinity I have – lol) I have made these changes and will get retested privately at a later date.

If anything, I just hope this article has been a little bit informative. It is now a known fact that male fertility in Western Men is decreasing. In fact, male sperm counts have actually halved in the last 40 years and are currently declining at a rate of 1.4% per year! Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer as to why this is. Until more research is done all we can do is try and make those changes to improve overall health and hope that it also improves the health of our goods.

This past month has certainly been one of ups and downs. At the last update, we were booked in for the fertility testing to start working our way through the list of required tests or assessments.

Those results came in first for me and the outlook wasn’t good or that is what I was led to believe by the doctor who gave me the news. Sitting in that waiting room I was incredibly nervous and anxious to know the results as I am sure any other person would be. In my rational mind, the results were not a big deal at this point, since we would not be using my sperm for our first child (yes, the long-term plan is to have two). The plan was to use my husband’s and mine would be the fall-back option if there was a problem. My irrational mind didn’t exactly see it that way though. I was scared that I was going to be told I would never be able to father a child, which in itself is not an irrational fear as such, but at this point, I had no reason to think anything of the sort. I guess it was just my brain’s knack for wandering into the ‘what if’ scenarios.

Surprisingly, I was called into the GP’s office ten minutes early. That never happens at our surgery. I was actually fully expecting to be sat waiting for thirty minutes or something so it was definitely a pleasant surprise. The doctor wasted no time in getting to it, opening up the results on screen and revealing the condition of my swimmers. The count was fine, there was plenty of them, the motility was fine, they were definitely swimming, the PH levels, colour and everything else was fine until we got to the bottom section of the test results; morphology.

The morphology is essentially the shape of them. The head shape, the midbody and the tail. In all men, we have a lot of them which are intentionally useless. They are literally there as cannon fodder to help try and make sure the healthy ones get through. Many have two tails or misshapen or oversized heads. Those that have anything other than a perfect form - when I say perfect I am told it really is very exacting - is classified as abnormal. They test a cross-section of the specimen and you are given an abnormality percentage. The level at which everything is considered ‘normal’ is 96% abnormality. Yes, the normal level of perfectly healthy sperm is just 4%. Initially, I was shocked at how few of them are supposed to be healthy but when you consider the fact that the male body produces millions per day, 4% is a good healthy number. After all, only one in that 4% needs to get through, right? The real issues occur with those abnormalities because they fail to get the job done. For instance, oversized sperm heads are known to fail to penetrate the egg.

My sperm was deemed to have abnormalities - 100%! Every last one of them tested was a wrong ‘un. They even give you a breakdown of the abnormalities by region. The head, the body and the tail. Unfortunately, my head abnormalities were at 100%. It’s ok, feel free to make all the jokes about ‘bad head’ you want... The bodies and tails were all within the normal abnormalities. The one thing that they cannot tell you is precisely what is wrong with them. In order to get a full analysis and know the exact abnormality, you have to attend a private fertility clinic.

At this point, I was quite literally in shock. This was definitely not the news I was expecting and part of me just wanted to hurry up and get out of the office as soon as possible. I asked the doctor if there was anything that could be done to fix the problem and it was made clear that this is an area of science and biology that needs more research so at this point, no, there was no proven scientific way to fix the issue. It would be highly unlikely I could father a child, particularly in the context of surrogacy.

The Doctor did say that this was just a snapshot in time and that a similar case she had seen was a man who had just got his wife pregnant. I guess she was trying to comfort me at this point and that was exactly how it felt; a platitude to try and comfort me. My head took that as a matter of fact and so I said thank you for your time and left the doctor’s surgery.

As I made my way back home I called Marc to let him know the results. At this point, I was very much in a place of ‘that’s that’. It was ok because we weren’t planning to use my sperm at this point anyway. I then called Lisa to let her know the results. Both of them were very kind, supportive and offered advice which helped for a little while, at this point, I didn’t feel too bad, I was just disappointed. Lisa was keen to remind me, that the process for checking the sperm is very much a small amount under a microscope which they divide into grids and then check an even smaller cross-section. It is a very broad ‘average’ as such. They certainly don’t check every single one by any stretch of the imagination so it is totally plausible that it was just a bad bit.

Once I got home I made that rookie schoolboy error of using google. I started looking up information about sperm morphology. What had caused it? Was it treatable? Were there similar cases where men went on to father a child? Diagnosing by Google can be a slippery slope and so can finding treatment and the like. All of the results and research I found gave me very conflicting answers and ultimately, it would seem that my head was taking more stock in the negative answers than anything positive I found.

This was the start of a very fast downward spiral of self-pity. Looking back on it, I was heartbroken. I wouldn’t say that I am particularly masculine but this felt like I had been robbed one of the things that make me a man. I also felt incredible guilt. I felt like I had, in one test result, literally halved our chances of having a child as I certainly couldn’t contribute. I felt like I was letting down the team, both Marc and Lisa. In the early stages of becoming a parent, a man has one job and I had failed at that. Obviously, I don’t handle failure well. I went to bed that night feeling beyond miserable.

The following day was not very much better so I resolved to focus on my work and just get through the day without crying my eyes out. Once I was on my way home I carried on searching for answers on the internet and I began to see more glimmers of hope. While there have been very few conclusive full studies into morphology, there are certain things that are known to have an impact. A lot of things. Rather than get into everything that I learned here (and there is a lot of it) I will share a separate article for those that are interested.

Thankfully, after a few days, I did begin to feel a little more positive, mainly because I did learn a heck of a lot through research and feel that there are things I can do to improve the situation which will have the pleasant side effect of improved general health. I certainly felt a lot better about everything when my husband’s results finally came in. Thankfully, they are all within the normally expected levels and so everything is good to go in that sense.

What was also positive, is the extra information that the GP gave Marc. When you have positive or normal results in all the other areas, it is possible that a negative result in one singular area is a blip or has been affected by external implications. Generally speaking, if all of the areas in which they test are poor, that would be more indicative of an overall problem. Additionally, and Lisa told me this too, that just because the heads are deemed as abnormal, it doesn’t 100% mean that they cannot get through. Again, to know for sure, you would need to get an extended analysis through a private fertility clinic. That certainly helped perk me up a little too!

So, perhaps not firing on ALL cylinders, but certainly, with the required ones working, we moved onto the next test very quickly. STD checks…

As discussed in the previous article, these MUST be carried out in any surrogacy situation (and quite frankly, should be carried out by any couple trying for a baby, but that is another conversation for another day). For the health of your surrogate and your potential baby, you cannot skip this test.

Our time at the hospital was quite lengthy and had additional elements from the last time I was tested (I will admit I haven’t been tested since just after Marc and I got together) which I will not go into in words because that would be inappropriate. Thankfully, the nurse who administered our tests was very thorough and explained everything incredibly well and was generally a very good-humoured man, especially with some of the questions he had to ask us. We were also relieved that he allowed us to go through the whole assessment together. This was just a formality for us. Our results are already back and we are both 100% clear of everything. Yay us.

We have also begun discussing with Lisa when we will start trying to conceive. We have collectively decided that whenever that is, we will not be discussing specifics just yet, but I am sure I will be able to share an update on that front soon.

Our actual next step is to send off for our Basic Disclosure (criminal record checks), book our Psych evaluation and get all of our wills sorted out. All of which need to be done before we start any inseminations anyways.

Everything does seem to be moving along very quickly now but that pretty much wraps up everything that has gone on since my last update. I will share the article about what I learned from the research into morphology soon.

UPDATE: If you want to read everything I have I learned so far about morphology, take the jump HERE

Thanks for stopping by and reading x

As it is National Coming Out Day and following my article about the day - which you can read HERE - I thought I would share my coming out story.

My coming out ‘story’ is pretty unremarkable besides the fact I took forever and a day to actually get there. There was no real drama, no histrionics. Nothing at all. Only my own naiveté. It certainly wasn’t as I had expected.

As I have discussed in a previous article, I struggled with my sexuality in my teens. Mainly because I was bullied quite a lot with the most common thread for the horrible behaviour being because I was apparently gay or queer. I was reminded this on a frequent basis and was on occasion physically attacked because of their perception of me being homosexual. The big struggle came from the fact that I genuinely believed that I wasn’t gay. I wouldn’t even say it was just denial on my part. I look back at it and remember clearly being confused and dumbfounded as to why people thought I was gay. Clearly, those around me seemed to know something I didn’t… yet.

I was a late developer and if I am honest, I don’t think I genuinely developed any stirrings either way for others until I was nearly finished at secondary school. That isn’t to say that I didn’t have ‘relationships’. I did. I had a few girlfriends throughout my time at school but I think that was born of the notion that it was what was expected of me. Or at least what I believed what was expected of me.

I would like to point out there is no point that I can recall where my parents had said or even implied that I should have a girlfriend. Nor had they ever implied that I had to do certain sports or dress in certain ways because that is what is expected of a male. Any expectations that my parents had were for me to work hard, behave myself and be happy. My parents have always stuck rigidly to the message that they just want me to be happy. To this day, even if they fundamentally disagree with a choice I might make, they still stick to the message that it doesn’t matter, as long as I am happy. No, my belief that I had to behave and live in a certain way came from the rest of the world around me and the way in which I saw what was deemed normal. Especially being bullied, I had built up a picture of what it was to fit in and be ‘normal’. What would have probably been a more sensible route would have been to actually listen to my parents and ignore the rest of the world but then, what teenage boy truly listens to his parents?

Like I say, I was a bit late to the game in terms of any kind of sexual awakening but as I neared the end of secondary school and what I believed would be a major step for me getting away from the bullies, I did also start to experience that yearning for others shall we say. In those final few months of school, I had an experience that may not have actually made me realise that I was gay, but it certainly opened the door to the awareness that I might be. At the time I just thought it was us, lads, messing around but I did have this tiny feeling that it might have been more.

In addition, I remember a particular birthday party for a family friend where I met two people who were just a few years older than me. Rob and Lindsey were very good friends together, who like me, loved to bust out the dance moves on a dancefloor, especially when it came to Steps. Thankfully, they let me into their world for the night and I remember talking to them outside and I think it was that night, I discovered that Rob was gay. (We actually remained friends after that party so it may have been on another occasion that I found out). I think Rob was definitely the first person that I knew, who was gay and he seemed perfectly happy and was definitely not a victim like I thought came with being gay. Looking back on it, I really admired Rob and he became my first guy crush.

Even as I started college, I pushed myself harder against the feeling that I might indeed be gay. I saw what it was to be gay and be victimised for it and I didn’t want that. There was also a small part of me labouring under the misguided illusion that my parents would be mortified, disappointed, that they would hate me and maybe even throw me out of the home. Again, I must stress that at no point had my parents ever intimated anything of the sort. I must make this clear because I in no way want to paint a picture of my parents in anything other than a positive light. My mum was always incredibly open-minded when it came to sexuality and my Dad remained almost silent on the topic. It was never something we discussed. Again, this illusion was totally one I had created myself, possibly through what I had seen on TV. As an aside, part of it probably did come from the fact I was a dramatic little git – and still am. Hey, I studied performing arts people! If anyone was going to have an ultra-melodramatic experience with his parents it was going to be me ha-ha…

Since 1988, October 11th has been declared National Coming Out Day. Initially, this all started in the United States but has since been adopted around the world. In 2017, there are now conversations about whether or not anyone from the LGBT+ community should have to ‘come out’. In some respects, this can be viewed as a very positive step. There are a growing number of people out there that feel a person’s sexuality is of no consequence and therefore they should not be expected to declare their sexuality and in an ideal reality, this would certainly be the case. In an ideal world, Adam should be able to just say, ‘yeah Steve and I are dating’, just like he would tell people if he was dating Eve. However, the way in which society currently stands, Adam would have either announced that he was a gay man beforehand or he would concurrently be announcing his sexuality by revealing a relationship with another man. I think there is a lot to be spoken about regarding labelling here, which is a subject for another day but I will just say that unfortunately, we are still in a place where society has to place a label on our personal relationships rather than those relationships being simply about the person who we fall in love with. I’ll be discussing the structure of labels more in a future article.

Getting back to the subject currently at hand, I think it is important to understand why National Coming Out Day came about and also, what the act of coming out actually symbolises, perhaps not to everyone, but to plenty of people. I have discussed the power of celebrities coming out before, which you can go back and read HERE.

At its core, National Coming Out Day or NCOD is a day of awareness. Back in 1988, the notion was grounded in the feminist and gay liberation spirit. It calls on people to make their personal situation a political one. The act of coming out can be seen as a fundamental form of activism. By declaring your sexuality to those around you and living life as an openly gay man (or any of the other sexualities or gender identities) you are making a statement against homophobia. A homophobia that would thrive in a world of silence and ignorance. Fundamentally, by coming out to your nearest and dearest you may find that it actually changes their views about homosexuality. Ultimately, everyone is connected to at least one person in their life, whether directly or through the famous people they know of, who is gay. Whether that person is ‘out’ is another matter. I found this quote from Robert Eichberg, psychologist and gay rights leader from back in 1993 which sums this belief up perfectly:

"Most people think they don't know anyone gay or lesbian, and in fact everybody does. It is imperative that we come out and let people know who we are and disabuse them of their fears and stereotypes."

I can certainly state, categorically, that I have found this to be the case. I have had quite a few friends talk to me about how they were homophobic in their younger years but have learned, through now having friends who are open about their sexuality, that their homophobia was misguided. They genuinely believed that they didn’t know any LGBT people and that it was weird, different and not right. They themselves will also declare that they are now intolerant of homophobic views and opinions. I have even had a friend of ours who has a teenage son ask me and my husband to spend time around them as a family. At the time, the son was going through that very impressionable teenage period where a lot of the rhetoric around him from his peers was that gay = bad and where homophobia was a common part of bullying. Being surrounded by this homophobia and thought process the son had started to pick up on some of it. The idea of the son seeing and being around a gay couple in a ‘normal’ setting was to show him that being gay was no big deal and to counteract that homophobia.

For me personally, I have always felt that the process of coming out comes from years of an unspoken pressure to behave in a ‘normal’ ie heterosexual way. Heterosexuality is the ‘default’ and therefore, particularly in our early years, we are raised to conform to this standard. Obviously, the world is evolving and I know a huge number of parents who refuse point blank to raise their child to adhere to this standard and they actively promote the idea that their child can love whomever they like. I applaud each and every one of them because, for each parent that does that, they are breaking down the belief that heterosexuality is the normal and therefore homophobia is abnormal. As the feminist Adrienne Rich describes in her journal “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence”, heterosexual people never have to come out as heterosexual which is an example of the way that homosexuality is considered an anomaly.

By having a noted date each year where people are encouraged to come out, it turns that one singular voice and turns it into thousands, making a very strong statement to the world around them. It is a statement to that teenager sitting in his room alone, feeling isolated and that he is abnormal, confused by his own feelings. It tells him, he is not alone.

Naturally, there is a darker side to having a day such as NCOD. For some people, it simply isn’t safe for them to come out yet and therefore, the encouragement for them to declare their sexuality could lead them to harm. In certain communities around the world, coming out could lead to perfectly legal discrimination or violence. In those situations, I would argue that even if that person is unable to be out and proud just yet, at least they can live with the knowledge that a large part of our world thinks they are brilliant just the way they are and in effect, we are hoping to change that view so that one day, they can be open too.

Of course, we are now in 2017 and a lot has changed in the 24 years since Eichberg made his statement but there is still a long way to go. LGBT people are a much bigger presence in our communities and our society on the whole but unfortunately, homophobia does still exist. We are not yet at that time where it is a non-issue and therefore we can remain silent on the subject. For now, we have to embrace that LGBT label and show it with pride so that in future years, others may not have to.

I will leave you with another quote from Adrienne Rich which I think sums up coming out, for anything at all I should add, perfectly:

“That's why I want to speak to you now. To say: no person, trying to take responsibility for her or his identity, should have to be so alone. There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors. (I make up this strange, angry packet for you, threaded with love.) I think you thought there was no such place for you, and perhaps there was none then, and perhaps there is none now; but we will have to make it, we who want an end to suffering, who want to change the laws of history, if we are not to give ourselves away”.

Thanks for stopping by and reading x

UPDATE - If you want to read about when I came out, following the jump HERE

What got you into surrogacy?

Honestly? I don't know! I realise that sounds odd but I cannot remember a definitive moment. I just knew it was something I wanted to do. It was probably Phoebe in Friends or something like that. Lol.

Can you tell everyone a little about your previous surrogacy experience?

Errr how long have you got? Short version, I've been a TS and had a baby boy for a gay couple in 2013. A gorgeous little boy who is almost 4. Not sure how the time has moved so quickly!
Then I was a GS for a straight couple as I thought I'd give it alllllll a go! And they have a son who is almost 2 now.

How did you meet Mark and his husband?

I blame Laura! A mutual friend, someone who I met via YouTube messages to say that her friend was now looking into surrogacy and could I add him to the groups or maybe chat to him a bit as he was a great friend and she wanted him to have the best help and knew I was knowledgable and all that about surrogacy. So I started chatting to Mark and I was adamant at this time I was never going again as the last pregnancy had been a hard one.... so never again was I going to do it. But the blasted man is far too fabulous as I not only clicked brilliantly with him but Marc too. It just felt right. Like it was supposed to happen and yes I do feel a bit nauseated when I write that down as I'm not particularly soppy as a person.

Was there anything in particular that made you agree to be a surrogate for Marc and Marc?

As I said above, it just felt right. And the last time it felt right like this with my first couple, I had the best match and still see them and their son and it had been the most amazing experience. I want that again if I can. I'm a bit selfish but I like making others happy and getting amazing friends at the same time.

How do you go about explaining surrogacy to your children?

Well, I started a few years before I ended up having a baby as a surrogate so they sort of grew up with it.

What kind of reaction do people have when they see you are pregnant but then find out it is for someone else?

Usually, ask how much I get paid or say it's amazing. Both of which make me inwardly cringe a teeny bit but that's more that I'm an awkward sod.

Are your family supportive with the surrogacy?

Most of them yes. Not all but everyone entitled to their own option I guess.

Why do you do it?

Because I'm mental. All jokes aside, the world is already filled with so much negativity, bad luck, sadness, hurt and stuff that if I can do something to make others happy, if I can help people, give people not only the chance to be parents but help create grandparents, sibling, aunts, uncles, cousins... why wouldn't I? I know I can, so I do. Not everyone could carry a baby and hand them to their parents without being a bit broken by it and I knew I would be fine.

What would you tell someone who was thinking about being a surrogate?

Research, learn, research some more. Take some time, then double that time and take some more.
Never rush, never cut corners and don't give up on something because of the time it takes to achieve. The time will pass anyway. And join groups like UK Surrogacy - The Foyer. Knowledge is power. The people will support you and there is almost always someone who knows the answer.

What would you tell someone who was thinking of using a surrogate?

Research, research and research a bit more. Take your time. Don’t rush any part. Don’t get too excited. Talk to people who’ve done it and don’t assume everyone who is in the world of surrogacy is good, decent or kind as that’s not always the case. Be your own advocate.

How does your husband feel about you being a surrogate/How do you feel about your wife being a surrogate?

Darren is quite proud. Odd man. He doesn’t seem to mind but I’d not do with without his agreement and support.

D: I am proud. Very much so.

Whoops, this is a couple of days late this month but I am sure you can forgive me...

So the stats are a little down this month. I have no real idea why though. I have been shuffle playing a little more though which is why the average play count and the Top 20 plays is down this month.

There was a large number of new-entries on the chart this month, as I say, I was shuffling a lot more but then I'd have days where I was listening to a few particular songs. Chim Chin Cher-ee (East Wind) comes from the original motion picture soundtrack to Disney's Saving Mr Banks. The film is one of my favourites and I really enjoy the arrangement of the well known song. Given the style and tone of the film, this piece really embodies the bittersweet story behind the film Mary Poppins.

Sticking with the musical theme, three new entries came from the 'Definitive Cast Recording' of Miss Saigon. Taken from the 2014 revival in London, this cast recording is my quite easily my favourite. Ever since I was lucky enough to attend the gala performance back in 2014, Miss Saigon has remained my favourite musical. Every once in a while I can just listen to the soundtrack on repeat. Eva Noblezaba and Rachelle Ann Go are two incredibly talented performers who both possess the most insanely good vocal qualities and range. The Movie In My Mind is so well sung and so powerful, it still gives me goose bumps even now.

Boys In The Street was a song I stumbled upon when a friend had it playing in the car. It is a very emotive song which is a son, telling the story of his strained relationship with his father because the father disapproves of him 'kissing boys in the street'. The singer, Greg Holden, is actually straight, but was asked to provide a song for a fundraising compilation album by the organisation Everyone Is Gay that supports LGBT+ youth. Holden has managed to really capture the struggles of sexuality acceptance for some parents without crossing into any form of spokesmanship or preaching. What I love about the song is that through the verses where the father is disapproving, there is the underlying message that the real reason for his disapproval is because of how it reflects on him and not the son. As each verse passes, I get the sense that the father begins to understand it actually isn't about him. I think this may actually be a common theme for those that have had disapproving parents when they came out perhaps?


I am not sure how many people know the Britney Spears track which came in at number five this month. It was never on an album and is known as a bit of a rarity. It samples the Prince track 'Kiss' and it features Britney doing what she does best. I always wonder what a finished, fully produced version would sound like.
There was also quite a bit more Melanie C on the chart this month, as I did have a couple of days where I was only listening to her. I've said for many years, that if anyone was to make a film of my life, Melanie C songs would provide the soundtrack. I know most people will only really remember her as Sporty Spice but since then she has put out some brilliant solo material and I have always enjoyed and admired how she constructs the songs lyrically. Quite often I feel like they are my own thoughts in song.

Similarly, Damien Rice featured a fair bit this month too (again). As mentioned in previous charts, I have always found his music to be a calming influence and find that it helps me to think through things. Naturally, with the process of becoming parents well underway, I have a lot buzzing around my mind so that calming influence has definitely been helpful with Damien taking the number 1 spot again this month with Long Long Way. Check out this pretty brilliant live version of the song...