Surrogacy Journey Update: Building A Nursery & The 12 Week Scan!

Just a little over a month ago I was able to finally shout from the rooftops that Lisa (our surrogate) is pregnant with our child. Since that update, it has been all go.

The very basic concept plan for the nursery created months ago.

Once the room was clear, I couldn’t help myself. I had to get stuck in, my theory being that the room was in desperate need of decorating anyway, so at the very least, I could get the room tidied and painted. Those of you that follow my Instagram will have seen the frequent updates as I have blitzed my way through stripping and repainting the room. Decorating is not my favourite thing on Earth, I much prefer the concept and design stage, but this felt different. As I passed each checkpoint (each coat of paint on each wall) I could see what the room was to become which was very exciting knowing what it was to become. Even the most irritating tasks had a wonderful payoff, despite my ridiculous perfectionist spirit.

Yes, I have stumbled through four paragraphs talking about decorating, but there is a point. The usually mundane tasks of sanding down skirting boards, painting walls and ‘cutting in’ brought a smile to my face. Over the last couple of months, I have noticed that my perspective has shifted. I am pretty sure it happens to the vast majority of intended parents, but knowing we are going to be fathers has given a different context to my thought process. In short, the things that would usually stress me out or irritate me, don’t! In the grand scheme of things, they hold a lot less weight compared to the adventure ahead of us. At first, I figured that it was just the sheer jubilance in the knowledge that the baby was on the way but that new outlook hasn’t gone anywhere since. Much like at Christmas, when I spoke about how it was special and how I couldn’t help thinking about how things would change. Now I am able to rationalise things even better and just take a deep breath, think about what is coming and carry on. I guess I have a shifted or renewed sense of purpose now and the creation of the nursery has really embodied that. Long may it continue. I am sure I am going to need it when I have had no sleep and the little one is insisting that they need changing again or something.

In amongst all the decorating action, we also attended the first doctor’s appointment with Lisa. It was all pretty regular and was mainly me sitting patiently while they went through medical histories and the like. It did feel a little surreal though. With each appointment, I find myself a little apprehensive about the potential reactions we might face. Whether it is in the waiting room or with the doctors themselves, I find myself mentally preparing for the potential instance of disapproval. I am very well aware of the reality that is being one half of a gay couple who are becoming parents and how many in society view that. I tend to find myself preparing for the worst which, thus far, has not happened. Everyone has been so kind which has been a little bit of comforting surprise. Aside from one or two negative comments on social media, the level of support we have received has been nothing short of incredible.

Having now attended that initial appointment, it also meant that we were hurtling towards the milestone which everyone seems to put so much stock in. The famed twelve-week scan. Nobody has really been able to tell me what is so important about that scan aside from it being the ‘first’. Many people have said that it is at that point where the chances of something going wrong drastically decrease, but in my mind, reality dictates that this is not always the case. We did have a few people who voiced their shock that we had announced the pregnancy prior to this scan but I addressed that in my previous surrogacy update. For us, this was just the next scan, but it was the first where we would see the baby really taking shape and actually look like a baby.

After a mad dash from the office down to where Lisa lives, we were on our way to the hospital and after fighting through some pretty terrible traffic and poor parking availability (is there actually a hospital that doesn’t have this problem?) we were once again in a waiting area again. This time, I didn’t really feel the apprehension about what others might think. If anything, I felt a lot more matter of fact about it. Don’t get me wrong, I am still mentally prepared for negativity from others should it happen, but I also care less if it does. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but their opinions are not going to make a difference to how we are going to be parents so they can knock themselves out so to speak.

The scan itself was incredible. At the last scan, our little one was just a little bubble on the screen with a flickering pulse. In just six weeks the baby has grown so much, its little body is taking shape. It was so exciting to see the baby hiccupping away, to see all four limbs and their heart. Lisa was also looking out for the early signs of gender through nub theory. I don’t know a great deal about it aside from the fact that Lisa has a natural talent for spotting the gender quite early on. Personally, I am keeping that little bit of news until we know for sure and so I won’t get into what we all think the baby is going to be.

I have been following the growth of our baby daily through the Ovia Pregnancy App so I have been reading exactly what to expect each day and what to expect the scan to show but the theory really does pale by comparison when you see the baby on the screen moving around. It is an amazing and indescribable feeling.

Another exciting development was that the nurse also gave us a new EDD (the due date). The due date is based on the size of the baby and apparently, we are four days ahead! The original due date was based solely on the ovulation and conception dates which we already knew for sure. As it stands, our little one is potentially going to be with us four days earlier. That probably doesn’t seem a lot, but every little bit helps and 96 hours is a massive difference when you are counting down.

It is funny but the scan pictures they give you are merely a token given the terrible paper quality but once you have it your hand it is enthralling. I can’t stop staring at it. Many people have commented since that our scan picture is so clear although I must admit I don’t really have much in the way of a basis for comparison but here it is…

That brings everything up to date again, but I also wanted to share Lisa’s most recent vlog update. We feel so lucky that along with my writing, Lisa is also documenting everything from her experience which has been wonderful for giving us an insight into what pregnancy is like for a woman. It is all about perspectives and so if you are following our journey, I definitely recommend you subscribe to her channel and also follow it as she experiences too. I don’t know about all the other guys out there, but there have been times over the last 6 weeks where I have felt guilty for want of a better word. The reason for my guilt is because of what Lisa is going through. Pregnancy is a massive undertaking for the body and Lisa has managed to stay cheerful and positive, despite her feeling nauseous a lot and struggling with insomnia. She has reminded me several times that there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty and actually, all of these things are positive signs, but I can’t help it. I can’t quite shake the feeling that it is our fault when she is feeling terrible. Ultimately it means that my love and admiration for Lisa and what she is doing knows no bounds. So yes, check out her latest update:


Thanks for stopping by, reading and watching xx